Peter's Denial

When reflecting on Christ's passion around this time of year, I'm always bothered by the part where Peter denies Jesus three times (even AFTER Jesus warns him that he's going to do so). I think it's because we naturally expect MORE from Peter. He's been with Jesus for the entirety of his ministry. He's one of his most dedicated and beloved disciples. And so we kind of expect him to "pass the test" at the end - we want to see that he's got the courage to stand up and say, "Yes, I know Jesus, and he is the Messiah!" - even if it means he'll be crucified for it. This kind of ending would make so much more sense to us - it would just "fit."

But that's not what happens. Alongside Judas, who outright betrays Jesus, Peter denies that he knows him three times. I find myself wondering - How can he be so weak? How can he be of so little faith? I can't help but feel kind of angry at Peter. Come on, man. All you had to do was stick up for the guy, and maybe things would have happened differently. You spent three years following him. You listened to his teachings. You walked on water. How could you choke in this moment when it really mattered? How could you blow the game by missing the last shot right before the buzzer?

I think what bothers me the most about it is that I see myself in Peter. So often I feel as though I put so much time and effort into working on my spiritual life, diligently striving to pursue virtue and let go of detachment to sin - and so often I feel as though this effort is really paying off, that I really am becoming a "better Christian." But when God really puts me to the test, when He really throws me into tough situations that try my moral character and strength, I totally flunk. I fail. I disappoint. I pull a Peter and deny Christ not once, but three times. And when I do, I despair.

Thankfully, Jesus' resurrection does not depend on Peter's fidelity, nor does it hinge on our own. The mercy of Christ is infinite and encompasses even the biggest of screw-ups. Just moments after Peter's denial, he realizes what he has done and falls to his knees in tears. He knows that he has blown the game, that he has fallen to weakness and temptation when it really counted. But that realization and decision to repent is infinitely more meaningful than his failure. His repentance is held in stark contrast to the despair of Judas, whose betrayal of Jesus and subsequent despair leads him to his own demise. Peter's resilience carries him through his "big screw-up" and into his influential ministry, service as the first pope, and martyrdom.

The lesson: Don't let your "missed shots at the buzzer" get you down. Yes, fall to your knees and repent. But then you'd better get right back up, pick up where you left off, and go do something amazing for God. Because every extra moment you despair is a moment you are wasting your amazing gifts and talents. What if Peter had never gotten back up?! Follow his example, get back on the court and go be a saint.