There are a couple of reasons why I haven't updated this thing since June. The first is that I'm sort of a super-duper-perfectionist when it comes to writing, and that makes me very hesitant to write anything that I haven't spent a good deal of time working on. This is mostly a matter of pride, a character flaw that I will attempt to abate by writing more often (and less well), sooo... get ready.
The second and more influential reason I haven't updated recently is that I've had a difficult time coming up with something "important" or "eventful" enough to report. Honestly, my life for the past seven months has been, for the most part, about as sensational as a Band-Aid. And not even one of those fun, themed Band-Aids, like the ones with Sponge Bob on them. My Post College Life (PCL) has been as exciting as a regular, plain old boring brown Band-Aid. Or a geometry textbook. Or the film floating at the top of the Crim Del. Pick your favorite simile, and that's my life.
I mean, okay. Perhaps I'm exaggerating. My PCL hasn't been THAT bad so far - there just hasn't been anything particularly monumental about it.
That is.................until now.
That's right. I have chosen today to update this blog because, as of St. Patty's Day, March 17th, 2010, I am officially moving across the country to Denver, Colorado to pursue an MA in Theology. (WHAAA?)
That's the important part. If you're not a "details person," feel free to hit the little red 'x' or start reading somebody else's blog. If you're intrigued as to how I've come to this conclusion, read on! I'll explain.
I returned home to VA in the dog days of August, exhausted from a summer of ministry in New York. I had received word from the Jesuit Volunteer Corps earlier in the summer that things weren't going to work out between us after all, meaning they were unable to find an assignment for me. Because volunteering with JVC had been pretty much my only plan for the '09-'10 year, I moved back in with my parents and started back at square one.
I worked as a temp for most of August and September. While the work itself was generally pretty tedious (opening mail, entering data, etc.,) I actually got to work in some pretty interesting places, such as the National Rifle Association, where I took orders for Eddie the Eagle gun safety materials; MHZ Networks, where I met a secretary named Dani Rosner who doubles as a LEGIT singer/songwriter (seriously, check it out); and the U.S. Court of Appeals, where I was told that the answer to all of my problems is to get a Cougar. I also worked for one day as a guy who sits on a bus and counts all the people who get on and off. It was kind of awkward, and kind of made me hate my life a little, but the bus driver was from Ethiopia and was a cool guy, so it was okay.
Eventually I replaced temping with substitute teaching in Fairfax County, which has been a fun job at times, but definitely not something I want to make a career out of. I've had middle school girls propose to me, and I've had third-graders tell me that I look like I'm in my forties. Great. I think the highlight, though, was this one time when I was teaching ESL to a class of high school kids. At one point when they were talking a lot in Spanish instead of working, I gave them a mini-lecture about how they should pay attention, because English is important if you want to succeed in America. It went something like this:
Me: "Come on guys. If you want to go to college, you need to be able to speak and write English. And English is also important if you want a good job..."
Kid in the back: "A good job? You mean like yours?"
Yeah. Ouch. Despite the rough moments, subbing has actually been a pretty fun job, and it offers a new environment almost every day. Tomorrow, for example, I get to practice my Spanish at Mount Vernon, and on Friday it's Biology at South County.
Aside from work, life was pretty rough in the late months of '09. I was going through a pretty heavy crisis of purpose and was struggling a lot with my faith. Coming out of a summer of multi-denomenational Christian ministry left me with a LOT of unanswered questions, and I was beginning to realize just how much seeking I had left to do. I began to look to the advice of spiritual directors, did some spiritual reading on my own, and even happened upon this very interesting blog, the detailed journey of one atheist's conversion to Catholicism. Amidst the reading, thinking, and praying about my purpose in all of this, I was still trying to figure out what I should DO. One day I was looking at jobs, the next day I was looking at grad schools, and the next, year-long service organizations similar to JVC. Eventually, I came to realize that I was NOT ready to be in another ministry-type position until I really became solid on my own beliefs. I needed to be in an environment where I could be myself, read a lot, and ask lots of questions. I needed to go back to school.
This realization was cemented over new years by an amazing trip to Orlando, Florida for the 2010 FOCUS conference. Never before had I seen so many thousands of Catholic college students on fire for their faith and ready to transform the broken culture in which we're living. I can't describe everything I got out of that conference; in fact I'm still digesting some of it. But there was an intense collection of great speakers on just about every topic imaginable. I came away inspired to strive for virtue in my life, and to never stop reaching for the God who I had all but lost faith in but who promises that if I seek Him with a true heart, I will find Him. With renewed vigor and confidence, I decided to make the rest of this period of my life a training ground for the future. I began to live an ordered life with regular prayer and meditation, and I applied to graduate schools all over the country, from Ohio to Boston, D.C. to Denver.
And it's in Denver that I'm going to end up (the Augustine Institute, to be exact). Why Denver, you ask? Maybe it's the desire I've had for the past few years to do something daring, to pack up my stuff and say goodbye to the humdrum of Northern Virginia. Maybe it's the fact that I was born in Kansas, and Colorado borders Kansas. Maybe it's the fact that the A.I. has awesome professors, like the fierce Dr. Sri in this picture. I can't tell you exactly WHY I chose Denver, any more than I could tell you WHY my mother loves me. I just know that she does. And I just know that I'm going to Denver... and that's about it.
I could go on with stories from the past seven months... like the time I cheered my family's football team to Superbowl victory, or the time String Theory played at a nightclub, or the time I drank 3/4 gallon of whole milk every day for three months (while attempting to lift weights) and gained 30 lbs. (?!) But I won't. Most of that stuff is just peanuts anyway.
Instead, I'll take a moment to be candid. These past months have been some of the most difficult of my life. I awoke many days and went to bed many nights feeling utterly hopeless. It was only through the love and support of family and friends that I've gotten to this point, and I'm not going to say that my struggles are over. But I have learned a few lessons along the way. So to anyone who finds himself struggling after college graduation - mourning the loss of the college experience, drifting without direction, unsure of his purpose - these are the words I've repeated to myself through the coldest and bitterest times, and these are the words of advice I have to offer you:
Be real, seek truth, and strive to live today a little bit better than you lived yesterday.
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
-dp
